starting this blog

sometimes I start blogs that no one I know personally will ever find out about, since it's better this way.

hello.

I'm 24, and I'm dealing with an eating disorder. it's been off and on now for three years. started after a seriously tough emotional experience my junior year of college. EDNOS..I would diet, overexercise, use laxatives..by the time I graduated the next year I had started taking antidepressants. spent nearly two years on TCAs and SSRIs (I went on a total of five, never more than one at a time, but consecutively) which made me gain like crazy...never took away those feelings though. they're still there. they come back.

I never have seen the person I want to see in the mirror. smaller isn't tiny. thinner isn't skinny. I haven't been able to make it happen.

I have to put on a few pounds this weekend, though, or risk going into treatment. I'm eating more than I've eaten in such a long time and it's making me sick, but there it is.

I've found healthier outlets, though. absorbing by reading or watching favorite movies, creating by writing, drawing, web design, playing Sims 3 :)

I collect dolls. I love them.

I have some other health conditions. I work part-time, but it's still hard on my body. fatigue and pain and digestive problems. I always have to dress comfortably..but I like to express fashion through accessories. I just got a new Dooney & Bourke purse, which is very cute. I didn't have one yet. I have ten Coach bags but the only Dooney & Bourke I owned before now was my wallet. I'd been meaning to get one for a long time :)

hope I make it through the day in one piece. or just without getting really ill. either will do.

xx